RAW & AUTHENTIC

To be honest, I had so much things going on with my life that I needed to get away and by doing so, I needed to get out of reality. I didn't know how but I needed to be confused. I was hurt because there was so many prayers and I was overwhelmed by it. I didn't know how to be strong anymore. I wanted to move on with my life and I felt very safe when I was roaming around the hospital thinking that I need to leave. I felt like God was there with me throughout everything but he didn't want to let me go because I felt like Peter keeps comings back to my life and kept me very safe by telling me how much he wants to take me to see the world. I was anxious and I felt like I had Alzheimer's or if this is even reality? I didn't want to know any of my loved ones because they are just full of hope and they need to realize I will be gone. I am no longer here. I couldn't do it anymore.. I just wanted to give it up all. I was ready to go... when I told myself, I wanted to leave with a bang, I didn't know what I wish for.. I wanted a nice funeral, It was ready. I was ready... When they told me I only have a few hours to live, I was ready. I needed to go. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

5 comments

  1. Micah, I know how you feel but I am happy that you are still alive...you will go when you are meant to go and that's how I feel about myself...you are meant to live out your life's journey, and the same goes for myself...it's a hard journey...life is hard...but God will walk every step of the way with us...God is love...God is purpose...take care...I love you...xox

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  2. Wow, Micah, anyone reading your blog can only be inspired and uplifted by the words you are writing about this incredibly hard ordeal you are going through. I am praying that God will grant you the miracle of healing which you so much deserve. I am in awe of your courage and your grace in the face of all this, and I appreciate your honesty as you share your feelings. But one thing is certain... you are not alone on this journey.

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  3. My dear Micah, you have shown incredible strength and courage throughout your journey, it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it all. I remember your Dad's smile when we were talking about how much of a fighter you are and (if you have to) you will go down swinging...and it's true - you've fought hard and inspired so many along the way (including myself). I hope that through all the kind words of support (although overwhelming) you feel comfort in knowing how much you are loved. I am beyond proud of you and I thank God for you everyday. I love you Micah xo

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  4. I had absolutely no symptoms or warnings that I had cancer. In March 2007 I suddenly felt like I had diarrhea but it was all blood and I went to the ER. I bled profusely through the rectum for an hour or so until they got it stopped. The doctor did a colonoscopy and found a stage II cancer, i was devastated when my doctor broke the sad news to me because i thought that was the end for me because i have heard so much news about how cancer have stolen away the lives of patients. With time i developed a 'belly' when all my life my abdomen was flat. I was still in my search for a cure after undergoing chemo and radiation thrice Until a friend of mine directed me to doctor Amber and advised me to try alternative medicine, which i did because then my doctor was no longer helpful at all and i had given up on myself. I got the herbal medicine which was relatively small in size, which i took for 10 weeks. For the past two and half years, I have had two additional colonoscopies and two CT scans, plus blood tests. So far, no recurrence, i am indeed really grafeful to GOD and Dr.Amber who stood by me and made all this happen through his medicine. Never give up hope and if you find yourself in the situation i was some years ago you can also contact him too via his personal email drambermurray@gmail.com

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